


say you love me (then go away)

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, and im here for that, dont know what the hell is happening next, hashirama is a shitty sibling whew, tell me sumn new tho..., tobi deserve better, tobi is lowkey petty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: a timeline where hashirama realizes his dream will never be fulfilled as a senju so he abandons his birth clan. however, its not hashirama who must live through the consequences.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Senju Tobirama, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 26
Kudos: 178





	1. something old, something new

**Author's Note:**

> its my first fic ever (woohoo! exiting google drive hell)
> 
> anywho this one is super short but the next chapter will def be longer
> 
> no beta/all mistakes are my own

He had heard all their fearful whispers. He was no stranger to the way his clansmen and women’s faces contorted painfully to faces full of fear.

It was no matter to him. Deep inside, somewhere that he thought he had buried along with his brothers, two of them physical and the third metaphorical, stirred. He grimaced.

When Hashirama left, he wanted to follow, his Anija was the sun and he, himself was the darkness that chased him away. Depriving his clan of the warmth and affection of sun was something he could never forgive himself for.

A weed had grown within Tobirama’s heart ever since he first sensed his Anija’s meetings with what he thought was an Uchiha. At first, he was happy that his brother had made a friend, he only wanted his brother to be happy and content. He would go to the ends of the earth to ensure that. Taking every strike from their cruel father that was meant for Hashirama, he knew he could take it, his gentle, peace-loving brother couldn't.

But now it had been months, and their father was becoming more insistent in finding out what Hashirama was doing in those hours away from the compound. So he covered for his brother as any good sibling would, but he would confront his brother later in private.

He had broached the topic as if he was walking on thin ice, his Anija’s temper was short as of late and he didn't hesitate in lashing out. 

Later, Tobirama would examine this conversation as if it was an experiment that kept going awry, for years on end, trying to find what exactly he said that had broken their bond. 

He had asked why he met up with the Uchiha of all, their sworn enemies. The ones that mercilessly murdered their brothers. 

“What of it? He's not like you," his eyes sharpened, as if a flame was lit, “He has a heart unlike you, you freak…demon.”

In hindsight, Tobirama ruminated, that what he had done after was an extremely stupid act that had cost him the affection his last brother, whatever remained of it - if any was left at all. He shouldn’t have gone to his father. 

But he would fix his own mistakes one by one even if that meant paying with his own blood. Even if his clan didn’t want him he would still die for them. They were his people to protect and he would do anything for them. 

Even if that meant signing his life away.

The peace treaty was a joke, if he was going to be brutally honest. But he was tired of fighting, morale has a way of chipping away after seeing a new body everyday, a child gone too soon, ripped cruelly from their childhood. 

He was tired. 

‘For the Senju,’ he reminded himself as he agreed to each demand of the Uchiha, more absurd than the last. 

‘For Touka,” he reminded himself as he agreed to allow them to seal his chakra away.

‘For all the Itama’s and Kawarama’s,” he reminded himself as he agreed to his own execution.

Survival of the clan was more important than of an individual. 

Touka, knowing her baby cousin’s, self sacrificing ways sneered at the uchiha. 

“How dare you demand this of us,” She was seething, all she could see was red. “We refuse to see this false peace see fruition. Peace christened by the shinigami will never last!”


	2. where there is love, there is peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hashirama searches for what's lost and tobirama runs away.
> 
> neither is the correct answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew it's so hard to write in big chunks - even tho this chapter is only 900 words or so long it fought me so hard,,,,anywho I hope y'all enjoy and again all mistakes are my own
> 
> plz lemme know any comments/criticism this is my first ever fic and im very nervous lol

Peace was here. He was well and alive to see his dreams of a village become reality and Hashirama should've been happy.

But he wasn't. 

His dream, once so out of reach, was in front of him in his lap. In the paperwork he so sloppily filled out. In the buildings he erected. But it felt so unfulfilling, something was missing but he couldn't place his finger on what. 

Deciding it was time for a break he went to find his brother. Paperwork always found a way to give him a migraine, he wasn't meant to sit at a desk. Oddly enough he craved the battlefield - not the death or the bloodshed - but the ability to let go. If death was inevitable, there was no point in bringing any worries in the face of the shinigami. 

He did not miss the faces of betrayal on his kin's face. That was something he could not forget. Even peace would not erase the pain, the anguish, he saw on his clansmen's face. It was something he was trying to forget. 

Brushing those thoughts away, he knocked on his brother's apartment. One he had erected himself.

Tobirama didn't want to see anyone anymore, nor did he come to the Towers. Even though Hashirama had protested so vehemently for him.  
Over time, Tobirama's actions and behaviors had softened or perhaps, his memory had fuzzed. It had been years, absence makes the heart grow fonder after all.

He gritted his teeth, he had been knocking for a good minute now. His patience grew thin, he let his mokuton create a hole in the wall. Hashirama began to listen to what the wood had to say. Only dark, sad things were murmured.

"Tobirama, are you home?" He called out.

His brother's room was sparsely decorated. The only evidence that he even lived here were the scrolls that littered the desk in the corner. Everything so impersonal, so cold. Hashirama's own room was messy. It was like he was never even here

Trying again, this time with a whine in his voice, he tried to coax his brother out: "You know I was knocking for soooo long. I grow weary of your childish antics." 

Getting no response again, the mokuton user became even more irate. Forgoing any social propriety he decided to search the apartment.

His brother was nowhere to be found. 

Panic was welling up in his throat. 

Tobirama didn't go anywhere without his brother's permission. 

He was gone. 

-

His brother, in his own cruel form of generosity, had made sure his remaining brother didn't die. Creating a large spacious apartment for him and stocking it with anything one could desire. Not stopping there, he tried to drag Tobirama into village politics, by making him his "advisor" even if that position only existed in name. Tobirama had no desire to be around his brother and the Uchihas nor did he have any appetite. 

Despite all this luxury his brother had afforded him, he made one thing clear: Tobirama couldn't go anywhere without his brother's consent. 

But Tobirama began to grow tired of this restriction after all a cage, no matter how pretty, is still a cage.

And a prisoner, even with many privileges, is still a prisoner.

He could hear his cousins sneer "at least you're alive" in his head. Life, something he was supposed to be grateful for. Tobirama knew nothing of a life beyond war. 

Maybe Butsuma really had created the perfect soldier, as his brother liked to call him. Molded the freak into something useful.

All that he did - the research, the new jutsus - that was all for his clan. So that they could live to see their loved ones one more time. 

It seems there was no place for him in this village built on the notion of peace. Nor did his clan need him anymore. 

The seals on his wrists, that were meant to suppress his chakra were weak - laughably so. They reminded him of the pretty Mito-hime who had stayed with them briefly. She had taken pity on him and had taken a younger Tobirama under her wing. 

His knowledge of Fuuinjutsu was all from her. All it would take was a single stroke of blood to overpower these hastily pressed on seals.

The only reason he hadn't removed them was for peace. But now the village was here and he no longer needed to be a part of it.

He sealed his meager belongings and summoned one of his cats. The majestic Snow Leopard, Nia, arrived with a poof.

"Hello cub," bowing her head, "what do you need of me."

"Nothing strenuous today, unfortunately, just need you to give Touka a letter."

Nia purred in confusion. "A letter? How odd, to what end?"

"It's my time to leave." 

"If you say so. Do not do anything rash, cub. It will do you no good."

Tobirama nodded. He had honestly thought of this very carefully.

He would write a letter to his beloved cousin informing of her of his departure and he would leave. In the off chance that his letter was intercepted - he trusted his summons but he couldn't take this chance, he wrote it in a way he knew his cousin would understand.

Touka,

It's beautiful at the village. Every day I perform the katas we learned during childhood, but I grow weary of doing the same thing all the time. I hope your mission is going well, soon I hope I can follow you in your footsteps. 

You may even find yourself surprised with my capabilities. 

-Tobirama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that the next chapter will be longer im jus not used to writing so much in one sitting but I will be updating tomorrow <3


	3. love is just what you cannot possess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> madara sees the truth and touka makes up her mind.
> 
> tobirama leaves.
> 
> the correct path is always the more difficult one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short,,,,hard time writing and all of that...lol
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left kudo(es?) Or commented..I really appreciate y'all !!

Hashirama's chakra spiking could only mean one thing. For as long as Madara knew his friend, he was one to wrap his chakra within himself, he wasn't one to spread his presence.

Something was wrong and Madara wasn't going to sit back and watch. 

He followed his friend's chakra and found himself in front of Senju Tobirama's apartment. 

When Hashirama told Madara that he wouldn’t allow the execution of his brother, He could say he felt fear for the very first time, his aloof friend’s eyes - so warm and amicable - hardened. 

The smile so permanently etched on the mokuton user’s face one could mistaken it for a tattoo, had fallen off his visage. 

His face was blank. That was when everything had changed. Perhaps that was where the madness had begun, not that Madara had realized this yet but he should’ve.

The seeds of obsession were sown here in Hashirama's heart and they bloomed. This, this was something Madara could understand. Even though hatred still threatened to spill over whenever he saw the White Demon there was still something about him that was so intoxicating he wanted to find it and snuff it out. 

Hashirama eyes were cold. "My brother is gone." 

Madara snorted: "Gone? Are you out of your mind? The seals wouldn't let him."

The mokuton user's face turned grim. Madara understood, the loss of a brother was unacceptable.

But he was confused. Hashirama himself had abandoned his brother but now it was like he had changed.

Something was brewing in the wind and he could taste it. It did not bode well with him.

"I'm going to find him." (He's mine was unsaid, but Madara knew better). 

-

The mission was quite simple. Too simple, in fact, and too long. One that a child could complete, but Touka knew why she was sent. A courier mission to the Land of Spring, so far from village that this was a 6 month mission at minimum.

She'd seen the glint in her cousin's eyes. This was dangerous. Touka didn't protest though, for her own safety and her baby cousin's more importantly, she'd do anything for him. 

Distancing her from Tobirama eliminated any form of protection he could have. After all, how is someone with their chakra sealed away supposed to protect themselves.

But her baby cousin was clever. 

Evident from his summons approaching her carefully.

"Touka," the cat called out, "I have brought something for you a gift." She purred.

Her cousin did not like to bother his summons at all and only disturbed them in dire situations. But seeing as his chakra was sealed this was his only thing he could do. Even with her very little knowledge of sealing (acquired from a very pretty princess from a long time ago) she knew Fuuinjutsu required no chakra only a deep understanding of the concept behind it. She, herself, had little patience to learn but her cousin so hungry to grasp on to any skill that could help the clan learned and became a master of sealing in his own right. 

"Your cousin has a letter for you," the cat turned his head, and it's expression turned sharp, "It will do you good to read it carefully." Poofing out of existence, leaving a parchment of paper behind. 

The letter was written in a way that only she could understand. 

Her grip tightened. Tobirama was leaving. This…..this was a letter bidding farewell. Her grip tightened, ripping the paper.

She was upset.

Touka would chase after her cousin to the ends of the Earth, like he was the North Star. 

She had raised him from when he was a baby. 

Like Tobirama would do anything for the clan, she would do anything for him.

-

Tobirama knew this was a risky plan, but a gamble he was willing to take. All the luxury his brother had allowed him would be taken away if he was caught. That was a grim thought. This was just a joke in comparison to what could have been his reality. Being chained up with no chance of escape.

He shuddered at the thought. He would not allow it. Tobirama promised himself, he'd die before he would become a prisoner of his own flesh and blood. Of the kinslayer. These were dark times, the Sage would most definitely be unhappy, this went against the laws of nature 

His plan was simple. A long time ago, while he was still developing his hiraishin (it would take years to perfect) he had given Mito a marker to take home with her. 

Mito had been traveling to the Senju territory when Hashirama, her intended, had left. So she had only stayed briefly. But during her short stay, they had grown close and promised to remain in touch. It was the right time for them to reunite.

Before he could start his journey he needed to correct the seal on his wrists, the Uchiha were not skilled sealers and the Uzumaki refused to help. So the seal was weak and easily removed.

Tobirama bit his finger and swiped at the seal and tried to spike his chakra and the ink disappeared.

He smirked. To think so little of him. Well it wasn't his loss.

Now he could sense his markers accurately. He couldn't exert too much chakra or his brother would sense that we was gone. 

Tobirama planned to travel to his nearest marker. He had left it there a few weeks before the treaty was signed in case things turned sour. It was around 100 km away from the village. 

The time was ripe.


	4. a change of heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a glimpse into the past and a hint of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii ~ 
> 
> was supposed to update yesterday but an idea of some context from the past sort of whisked me away,,,,cant fight inspiration now can i?
> 
> anyways as always, i hope yall enjoy !!!
> 
> all mistakes are my own
> 
> and thank u for all the kudos and comments

The Senju were a mighty clan blessed from the Sage himself with the natural ability to nurture and grow, to breathe life into the blessed land and take it away just as viciously.

To their luck the Senju heirs were each incredibly gifted, one with their bloodline limit and the other a powerful Suiton user.

Maybe the tides were turning and it was time to end this endless war. The compound was bursting with joy. There was something worth living for - for the longest time the future was grim, there was only death and loss in their foreboding destiny. 

The war was going to end just not the way they had expected. The Kami worked in strange, cruel ways. Preying on the innocent whims of children only to rip them from the embrace of their mothers so soon after they had just left their mother’s bosom. Promising the unreal and making it reality in the most brutal ways. The Senju wanted peace, and peace was given to them.

Nobody could predict the way it would turn out. It was unheard of, unfathomable, for a member of a clan, let alone an heir, to abandon their heritage so easily. Discarding his heritage like it was an offending piece of clothing. But Senju Hashirama was a special exception to rules. The first Senju to inherit a rare, almost fabled bloodline limit. The child who so fiercely advocated for peace, for the stoppage of the carnage at the battlefield, that the seeds of his ideas, his agenda, grew in the hearts of Senju from the young to the old that it mimicked the ferocity of spring. 

He had abandoned them. It was a devastating blow. The next few weeks, months, years were spent in a haze, one would think they were mourning a death.

In their anger, in their hurt and confusion, the Senju turned to the presumed source, the spare, and channeled their new found hatred for the mokuton user towards him.

It was irrational and entirely unfair. Tobirama did not deserve such treatment, an Elder would later scoff.

But no one has the luxury of hindsight in the present.

The boy, Tobirama, for all his faults had taken the fall for the clan, he had evened the field one blow at a time. Ignoring his own pain, he matched the Uchiha with each strike, and then his brother as well.

But the battle continued. And now the Senju were no longer evenly matched.

Everyday the number of bodies increased and every following day, an even younger child was fitted with armor too big for their little bodies and told to charge at their deaths.

Nothing hurt their clan head, Tobirama, more than the death of a child. He wanted to mourn each and every single one of them personally. And he did. He took a kunai to his arm for every death of a child. It was only fair that he repaid them with his own essence of life, his blood. Marking himself, a reminder for the rest of his life that they were here. It had started with Itama and then Kawarama, he never wanted to forget them.

He was the one who let them walk towards a certain death, this was the only way he could ever repay them.

When he was 14 and the title of clan head still felt awkward and wrong, Touka had caught him slicing himself. Mutilating the skin with a blank expression on a face that still had baby-fat on it.

She had screamed. Tobirama didn’t understand, but Touka did. The look on her face was one full of so much pity that she couldn’t hold it in anymore and she let out a sob. 

“No more crying and most definitely, no more cutting,” she whispered with finality in her voice. There would be no arguing with her on this sentiment. 

Internally, Touka held back the scream that threatened to overflow. The rage, the hurt, she felt towards those who had hurt her cousin, who had brought him to this. She wanted to kill them, slaughter them for ruining such innocence, tainting purity that they had no right to.

-

Even though it was impossible, his chakra coils felt rusty for some bizarre reason. Thankfully, he made it to Uzushio with no problems.

Tobirama only intended to stay here briefly. He wanted to see Mito and cash in on a favour long overdue.

This was only the start. Like his brother many years back, Tobirama intended to shed the Senju identity and leave. Just as Hashirama gave him no choice, he intended to do the same, what an oddly just punishment.

In the end, he and Hashirama were cut from the same cloth, shared the same womb, and were brothers in both blood and name, now it would be action as well.

He smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanted to give tobi some more personality~~~ 
> 
> neways stay safe yall


End file.
